i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
