u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
