I wanna bring you to show and tell
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
