i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
