If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
