Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
