The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
