I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
