their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
