Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
