Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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