Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
