Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
