She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
