Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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