I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
