DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
