I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
