I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
