I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
