my mouth tastes like poor choices
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
