Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
420 ftw
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
