Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
