I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
