I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Also, beer. Big fan.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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