Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
