I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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