sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Blood and glitter go together right?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
