So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
