I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
