im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm always down for nudity.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
