Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
