You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
