so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
