My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know, be my cock's hype man.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
