That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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