so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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