that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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