i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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