i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
