you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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