just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
