My room smells like vodka and shame
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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