The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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