sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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