Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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