idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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