i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
