I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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