in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i think i just lost a toe
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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