you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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