i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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